What do you think of my story so far? Editing would help too?
September 27th, 2010 by admin | 1 Comment | Filed in Books & Authors<3 asked:
1
As deviously as I could pull off without going over the top, I laughed. “So many people,” I paused, taking my time, “They think they can do anything they want. They think that they’re the only ones on Earth trying to do this.” My voice bellowed off the walls in echoes, the sound waves traveling around the room at lightning speed. Again I laughed, “So depressing. For them, that is.”
As most do, the man cocked his head in confusion, and before he had a chance to speak, I read his lips. “It’s always the same, too. Who are you? Where is your voice even coming from? Get away from me, freak! You know how things can get pretty boring after a while, right? So do me a favor, and let’s just skip that part.” It surprises me how well of an actor I can be. It really does. I’m not really this cool around most people, I’m usually struggling for the right words to say, but when you do things like this everyday, you get pretty good at it. Especially since a lot of times it’s dealing with people you don’t even know.
The limb I had been sitting on, which held up most of the structure of the small jewelry shop, was made of a smooth mahogany wood, and was the size of a log in the woods that had fallen from a tree. I jumped down from it, his back facing me. He turned around, probably more surprised than startled at the loud clack of my boots on the tile floor. I smirked at him, and knowingly began, “You can just empty that bag right there onto the ground, and get out of here. Or, I can handle you myself. It’s your choice.” His hand trembled as he looked down into the bag of jewelry he was regretfully grasping onto. He didn’t move, but it may have been out of shock. I pulled out a lighter from my back leather pocket, but stopped as my hand floated over the lever, “Wait a second,” I laughed innocently, pretending to have forgotten, “I don’t need this.” I placed it securely in my back pocket, put one hand on my hip, and stuck my other hand out with my palm up.
A small flame licked my fingertip, but didn’t burn it. It obviously intimidated him as it flickered in front of his now flushing face. His eyes widened. I traced a gulp slip down his throat. His lips weren’t moving at all; in fact they were frozen in a thin, straight line. “It’s your choice,” I repeated. He looked me from my head, to my toes, particularly stopping at the flames that now engulfed my finger. But again, it didn’t burn the least bit. See, you can’t really say I’m like every other human. He turned his head hesitantly, not taking his eyes off me, and called out his friend’s name.
He was now slowly walking out the entryway to an extension of the building where they stocked some of their jewelry, screaming, “What? What’s your problem, man?” He got one glance of me, and I smiled pleasantly at him. He dropped his brown ripped up sack to the ground, started heading for the exit, followed by the other man who had done the same thing. “Nice meeting you!” I shouted innocently at them.
When the front glass doors were shut and those creeps were gone, I wringed my hand out in the air to put out the flame on my fingertip. Letting out a deep breath, I ran and grabbed both bags. They were dirty and gross, but they were also full. As fast as I could, I put the expensive jewelry, made of diamonds, jewels, and thing I only dreamed of owning, back in their spots as close to perfectly, and gently shut the top of the heavy glass case they were displayed in. Luckily the men hadn’t shattered it, and nothing was broken. Entering the extension, I returned the other jewelry to where it belonged.
Carefully and quickly I grabbed my long, plaid trench coat from where I had dropped it when I walked in. It covered my leather outfit, making me look somewhat more normal. I pulled my beret from its pocket, pulled it over my head, and casually pushed open the doors that lead outside.
Dawn had long before ate its last bites of daylight and now ruled the night sky like an invading army. The second I stepped onto the sidewalk the crisp breeze tackled me; and my heels created the faintest echo full of emptiness and glowing shallowness. I tightly crossed my arms over my chest holding together either side of my trench.
It wasn’t a long walk home of crossing abandon back roads and parking lots, silent and lonely, to find my roommate sprawled across the couch, the TV loud, an empty bag of potato chips on her chest. She sprouted up when she heard the door swing open. Her hair was a mess of tangles and knots,
1
As deviously as I could pull off without going over the top, I laughed. “So many people,” I paused, taking my time, “They think they can do anything they want. They think that they’re the only ones on Earth trying to do this.” My voice bellowed off the walls in echoes, the sound waves traveling around the room at lightning speed. Again I laughed, “So depressing. For them, that is.”
As most do, the man cocked his head in confusion, and before he had a chance to speak, I read his lips. “It’s always the same, too. Who are you? Where is your voice even coming from? Get away from me, freak! You know how things can get pretty boring after a while, right? So do me a favor, and let’s just skip that part.” It surprises me how well of an actor I can be. It really does. I’m not really this cool around most people, I’m usually struggling for the right words to say, but when you do things like this everyday, you get pretty good at it. Especially since a lot of times it’s dealing with people you don’t even know.
The limb I had been sitting on, which held up most of the structure of the small jewelry shop, was made of a smooth mahogany wood, and was the size of a log in the woods that had fallen from a tree. I jumped down from it, his back facing me. He turned around, probably more surprised than startled at the loud clack of my boots on the tile floor. I smirked at him, and knowingly began, “You can just empty that bag right there onto the ground, and get out of here. Or, I can handle you myself. It’s your choice.” His hand trembled as he looked down into the bag of jewelry he was regretfully grasping onto. He didn’t move, but it may have been out of shock. I pulled out a lighter from my back leather pocket, but stopped as my hand floated over the lever, “Wait a second,” I laughed innocently, pretending to have forgotten, “I don’t need this.” I placed it securely in my back pocket, put one hand on my hip, and stuck my other hand out with my palm up.
A small flame licked my fingertip, but didn’t burn it. It obviously intimidated him as it flickered in front of his now flushing face. His eyes widened. I traced a gulp slip down his throat. His lips weren’t moving at all; in fact they were frozen in a thin, straight line. “It’s your choice,” I repeated. He looked me from my head, to my toes, particularly stopping at the flames that now engulfed my finger. But again, it didn’t burn the least bit. See, you can’t really say I’m like every other human. He turned his head hesitantly, not taking his eyes off me, and called out his friend’s name.
He was now slowly walking out the entryway to an extension of the building where they stocked some of their jewelry, screaming, “What? What’s your problem, man?” He got one glance of me, and I smiled pleasantly at him. He dropped his brown ripped up sack to the ground, started heading for the exit, followed by the other man who had done the same thing. “Nice meeting you!” I shouted innocently at them.
When the front glass doors were shut and those creeps were gone, I wringed my hand out in the air to put out the flame on my fingertip. Letting out a deep breath, I ran and grabbed both bags. They were dirty and gross, but they were also full. As fast as I could, I put the expensive jewelry, made of diamonds, jewels, and thing I only dreamed of owning, back in their spots as close to perfectly, and gently shut the top of the heavy glass case they were displayed in. Luckily the men hadn’t shattered it, and nothing was broken. Entering the extension, I returned the other jewelry to where it belonged.
Carefully and quickly I grabbed my long, plaid trench coat from where I had dropped it when I walked in. It covered my leather outfit, making me look somewhat more normal. I pulled my beret from its pocket, pulled it over my head, and casually pushed open the doors that lead outside.
Dawn had long before ate its last bites of daylight and now ruled the night sky like an invading army. The second I stepped onto the sidewalk the crisp breeze tackled me; and my heels created the faintest echo full of emptiness and glowing shallowness. I tightly crossed my arms over my chest holding together either side of my trench.
It wasn’t a long walk home of crossing abandon back roads and parking lots, silent and lonely, to find my roommate sprawled across the couch, the TV loud, an empty bag of potato chips on her chest. She sprouted up when she heard the door swing open. Her hair was a mess of tangles and knots,
Tags: Jewelry Shop, Shock, Taking My Time

